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Top Ten Ways The Wizard of Oz Would Be Different if it Were Made Today

10. Grisly scene in which Dorothy blasts flying monkeys out of the sky with an uzi
9. Katie bar the door! There's a giant asteroid headed straight for Oz!
8. Dorothy steps outside and says, "Like, this is so not Kansas!"
7. Instead of "oil," tin man moans, "Viagra"
6. Kathie Lee Gifford plays Dorothy -- audience roots for witch
5. It would be named "Twister II"
4. To prepare for his role as the Scarecrow, DeNiro would have his brain removed
3. Lovable dog Toto replaced by lovable droid T.O.T.O.
2. Lions and tigers and bears, oh sh**!
1. New title -- "Wiz Got Game"

--David Letterman

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive1998/ls_topten_archive_19980507.shtml